2017年终总结及2018展望2017 Year in Review

"In life there's plenty you can let slide, but at the decisive moments of choice you have to give it your whole attention. I believe in the future; time is a great author, and it's bound to write the most perfect answer."

2017 is drawing to a close, and this marks the third year I've done a year-end review. I don't know how long I'll keep doing it, or how long I can — but for now I'll keep writing. Everyone's talking these days about the right to be forgotten; but through this year-end sorting, I want to build my own right to remember, my own timeline.

Another year gone before I knew it. I'm about to see off 2017 and welcome 2018. I've always had the habit of summing up, looking back, then looking ahead and setting plans — a way to take stock of the time behind me and the world ahead. What the future holds, I don't yet know. Right now I just want to share how I feel in this moment. A person is the last to notice how they've changed, and yet the first to feel it. I've always called myself a pessimistic optimist.

This year, for me personally, a lot happened and I grew in many ways. Years from now, looking back, I think this too will have been a very different kind of year. The current mainstream framing says a person has several "quotients": IQ; EQ (emotional); AQ (adversity); FQ (financial). For me, in 2017, the most concentrated change happened in the middle two. Enough said. Here's the 2017 year-end review. Enjoy:

Reading

In 2017 I read 25 books in total. True to my habit and style, I ranged widely and read in big concentrated blocks. In this age when everything is being turned technological and digital, I've found I still haven't quite taken to or gotten used to reading books electronically. I still mostly read physical books and use a Kindle.

For 2018, I've set myself a new demand when it comes to reading: besides continuing to read new books, I want to spend a sizable share of my time revisiting old ones. I hope that when I look back this time next year, I'll have carried this out step by step.

Movies

In 2017, as of this writing, I watched 58 films in total. Forty-one in the first half of the year, 17 in the second. The ones that left the deepest impression were Our Shining Days, This Is Not What I Expected, The Legend of Master, Never Say Die, Wolf Warrior 2, Bad Genius, Youth, 12 Years a Slave, PK, and Love Off the Cuff.

Running

In 2017 I ran 183 times. To break it down: 3K: 114 times; 4K: 76 times; 5K: 44 times; 10K: 2 times; half marathon: once. On the running front, 2017 delivered the first item on my wishlist — I got through a half marathon and set myself up for the full — and by quantity, quality, and, more importantly, stretching, it was a lot better than 2016.

(Image: the original had a chart here — 2017 running data.)

Alongside running, in 2017 I also tried boxing and taekwondo. On flexibility and other fronts, I got a deeper read on my own body.

I've always been an exercise junkie — basketball, badminton, running above all. I really enjoy the pleasure that long-term running gives me. That pleasure and joy peaks after every 5K, every 10K, when the world goes so quiet you can hear only your own breathing. Looking at a T-shirt soaked through with sweat, my heart is full of confidence and satisfaction.

(Image: the original had a chart here — 2016 running data.)

Love

2017 — this year's relationship is one of the turning points of my life so far. It, and she, deeply shaped the trajectory of my life, my character, the way I understand and reflect on myself, letting me know myself anew and truly accept myself. This, I think, is one of the meanings of an intimate relationship. And it's not just an experience — it's one of the important pieces in the puzzle of a person's short single life.

I'm sincerely grateful to have met her, known her, understood her; because of knowing her, my world grew wider. And I count myself lucky to have walked with her through one of the most important stages of her life.

Regrets

Later, some regrets are better left unspoken. This year, I think, held a lot of regret and remorse for me.

There's a line in the film Big Fish & Begonia: you meet someone, you make a mistake, you want to make up for it, to pay it back — and only in the end do you find it's beyond saving, that the wrong you did can never be undone.

Regret is not having done something; remorse is having done it. Regret is wanting to do something and not doing it, losing the chance to hesitation. Regret lingers longer; remorse doesn't carry on the same way. So many beautiful moments end with a part of them regretted — and remorse is the sum of regrets.

"Only after the breakup did I realize we never took a proper photo together."

"By the time you seem to feel some remorse, she's no longer where she was."

"I met the person I most wanted to protect for life at a time when I had no ability to."

"Before my father left, I never hugged him one more time."

"I don't think I gave it my all."

"We couldn't make it to the end."

"I never went a little crazy for myself."

Year-End Review: What I Want to Say

Regret is the loveliest thing settled at the bottom of the heart; every feather of it leaves us spellbound. We tend to weigh the consequences before doing something, then think of "regret," and let some possibility of that "regret" steer the choice we make right now. My own past couple of years have taught me: if you want to do something, go do it. Cherish what's in front of you, cherish the people in front of you, leave no regrets. Here's to the future getting better and better.

The Wishlist

1. Don't slack, don't dig in my heels, don't act out, don't be difficult — be more mature, more empathetic, more sure of myself.

2. May the 2017 wishes truly come true.

3. Finish a full marathon.

4. If the chance still comes, go to their concerts: Jonathan Lee, Rene Liu, Fish Leong. I've already waited far too long.

5. I hope next year's birthday I can still spend with this year's person.

6. Per the earlier wishlist, keep being on the road.

7. Collect the original English Harry Potter books.

8. Learn and improve my cooking.

That's it — no greed, nothing overreaching. Put it into practice one step at a time.

● ● ●

For too long I was fixated on being cool, being smart, being interesting — and it took a lot of detours before I'd admit I'm an unfree, boring fool. Better to leave the being-interesting to the people who are genuinely interesting, while I take charge of standing in the audience and clapping sincerely. In the new year, I hope I can be real, be kind, be independent. Come to think of it, that's even harder than the old goal.

Things to Be Proud Of

A. My EQ and AQ both improved compared with before.

B. My self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-reflection all rose a level overall.

Things to Improve

A. On the character front, there's still a lot to refine and improve.

B. In how I deal with people and situations, there's still a lot to learn and get better at.